Opinion: For You, Anything

My theory is this: if you know how to, and do love yourself, you can love others easily. This sort of love requires self-awareness. It necessitates seeing yourself as you are, understanding your needs, and being able to distinguish between them and your wants, what others want of you, and for you. Knowing your strengths, your weaknesses, and making room to improve by taking leaps out of your comfort zone. So for you, anything. But not from someone, from you to you. And anything, is only that which is best. That which takes effort. The practice of self-love.

Of course, you do not know, fully, who you are. But you have a good sense of what makes you, you. Perhaps, for you rainy days are delightful. Paradise is in bed with an exciting book. The dress you would go for is the yellow one, if everyone was not screaming at you to take the red one. Here is the thing, what you care for matters. You should take the yellow dress because even when you are dressing for another, you are really dressing for your own happiness. Indirectly. In the yellow dress, you will be the most confident and happy; that mood will affect those around you.

When you take good care of yourself, you can in turn take care of others. By knowing what is good for you, you can work on having more of what you need, and getting rid of what you do not need: like that which is toxic to your well being. For instance, when you eat well and exercise, you help protect yourself from getting sick. But you also inspire others to choose a lifestyle which help them to stay healthy. You are also more likely to have the strength to take care of your friends and family if  they should need your strength. When you know how to make time for yourself, you are ready to make time for others.

Loving yourself is being aware that your happiness is in your own hands, and to put it into the hands of another is to be unfair to yourself and to them. To love another and to be loved by them is to share yourself with them and invite them to do the same with you. If you care for yourself, you are careful who you choose to take part in your life. The persons you love become a part of your life and a channel for your happiness. They represent the attributes you consider significant to a meaningful life, but they cannot take over your ability to be happy. That is something that is only yours to exercise. That which you love to do, that which excites you, that which steals your breath, that which transforms your heart into the loudest drum defines you. But so is that which makes you weep, which angers, hurts you. When you care for yourself, you know what makes your life meaningful and you take pains to do more of what matters. In so doing, you meet others who share your values. But when you meet those who belittle your standards you know to stand your ground.

Love is not possessiveness, as possessiveness is selfishness: a mix of fear and lack of faith in self worth. Love is deep caring with boundaries of respect. Fear can be good but not when it cripples you from learning. Mistakes are not taboos. They are necessary for living, i.e experiencing and understanding what it means to be human. Forgiving yourself when you act foolishly is good practice to learn to forgive others for your own sake. Respect for others starts with respect for yourself: when you keep your word to yourself, you are more likely to keep your word to others. When you know what happiness looks like in yourself, you recognize it in others and encourage it. When you know what it means to take care of yourself, you know it is a beautiful thing when others care for you. When you practice good care of yourself, you put yourself in the best position to do the same for others.

Have a blast!


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