Grad School Diary: What I Wanted, What I Got...

If you put numbers in front of me, I blackout.  I start forming words that are meaningless.  I freakout and get really anxious.  This is funny because back in the days, the primary days, I loved math. Sometime along the way, it started feeling boring.  To do what one finds boring is often tedious. This is the underlining of my inability to think 'Math' without 'Noooo!'

Yet, in college the plan was to get a business degree. Oh how miserable I was. I bit things. I was not very nice, and day-dreamed in my classes or dozed off.  Eventually, someone talked me into majoring in English. Then I started taking poetry classes, but before the English classes, I was taking photography classes to stay sane. This  felt wicked. Who in their right mind took photography classes in college? Especially when you are coming from nada, and trying not to end up in nada.

After college, I wanted to get into an MFA program. I wanted to know Poetry: I am in-love with it; writing it, reading it, talking about it. Even its name. But then I was rejected by all the schools I applied to. Bummer! But one of them, Brooklyn College, offered the opportunity to do an MA in English. Although I love English lit,I don't really get excited about essays.  Don't get me wrong, once I find the rhythm, I go all the way. But essays follow rules and God knows I like to paint my language awkward. I don't know why, I just like to write awkwardly, just as I speak awkwardly. I still don't know exactly what to do with commas, semi-colons and all those signs. Those punctuation marks keep toying with my head. I thought I would say no to the MA thing.

However, after a conversation with my favorite undergraduate poetry professor I decided to go for it. I have learned so much in this short time. Things I can apply to my poetry and things that are just really good to know. So despite the fact that I didn't get what I had wanted, I feel that things are going right. In the long run, I think that my writing will benefit from the experience. As will my photography. 



  1. ohh.graduate school. I actually went to Queens College for graduate school for MA in physics. I was a bit surprised I was accepted into the program and I did fairly well my first semester but it went downhill after that. I lost complete motivation to be in the program after my second semester. On top of that my advisor wasn't that great. I was told I was graduating in 2010 and I moved to VA thinking I actually did graduate until I never received my degree. I was then told my grades weren't acceptable and I had to retake classes. I retook classes this past semester as my last and final attempt to graduate but I didn't again. It's been such a roller coaster and I'm really happy to be over it. It's been 4 years since I started graduate school for physics and I'm no longer into it. Part of me wished I learned this early on so I couldn't spend so much money but then again I'm happy I figured out what I want to do with my life. Moral of the story is if I never went to graduate school for physics I may have never found out that working in a lab isn't for me and I rather be a business owner selling pretty things.


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