Half Way Through January
|Abstract Photography by Jane Odartey|
everything feeling the same. Of accepting everything as it is, of becoming just a habit, a familiar pattern, or an image that always looks the same, feels the same.
So I am letting somethings go. Things that I love but are not exactly healthy. I am letting go certain ways of looking at things. I am not sure this is a good idea, but I suppose I owe it to myself to find out. My relationship with people is changing. I feel that I am becoming more selfish. I do not just wish to be the only one who talks, I want the honor to hear your thoughts. I don't wish to be the only one with the pom-poms cheering you on, I want you to wave your hands, however you like, when I need a bit of motivation.
These things used to not matter to me. I had often felt that I didn't need much encouragements. When I desire to do something, I often find the motivation needed in places of beauty. Like beautiful irresistible music which charms the spirit into a waltz; like the lovely sunlight that fills me up with sweet, transparent golden magic, or like when the rain drops rush into the pavements with their gentle thuds to rest, or like the hands of my country men beating the dried animal skins of their drums. Through these things I hear chants of generous motivation.
And for a while it's been enough. Then I met people who had a way of popping out of the blue to chant my name. Reaching out to share the sweet, the sour, and the bitter. And in so doing giving me the stamp to mail them back the same, without feeling exposed, without the need to censor. And now I desire this. The need to receive. The need to know what you are doing, why you are hurting, why you are laughing. The need to be a friend to you, the need for you to trust me with your battles, and for you to wish me to trust you with mine.
My values on friendship is evolving and I have a different answer for that voice that once said; 'It's easier for you to do these things." It is never easy to share oneself with others. We learn to do so when we learn to tame our pride, for pride is a wild, wild beast.